Life Of A Shy Bad Guy
Episode 12
Today was Saturday, kelvin is feeling lazy.
He forced himself out of bed, at about 10:30am to perform
some home chores.
He finished the chores, took his bath and went ahead to read
his book, he was determined to pass his exams.
After some minutes he got a call.
He knew who was calling at this time, it was Jona. He
thought.
Jona: how fan a, bad guy
Kelvin: who u deh call bad guy
Jona: you know your problem
Kelvin: I don’t know yarn me na
Jona: you too the pretend
Kelvin: o.k ooh, na you know nah
Jona: you deh home ba
Kelvin: yes nah, na bush I for deh
Jona: I deh come now now
Kelvin: no come do that rubbish you do that day oo
Jona: I hear ( he hissed and cut off the call)
Kelvin was thinking out loud. ‘’wetin this guy won come do
again’’. (he could remember vividly the other time he visited he messed up his
room. He made up his mind that he will not allow that to happen again.
Jona dressed up, heading to the street to board a cab to Kelvin’s
place.
His eye caught hold on a very beautiful lady, to Jona, her
beauty was something else, he thought, make I go yarn am, I no the take last. He
almost said it out loudly.
Jona: hi beauty ( he tried to sound like a black American)
Bae (the girl’s name): wetin I want
Jona was stunned for a while, ‘’omo with all this beauty na
wetin I want you fit respond to hi beauty’’. he thought. He was expecting something
like hi, dear not wetin I want.
Jona (mimicking her): no, I no want nothing ooh
A cab passed, he stopped it and hop in stealing a glance at
the girl once again. Omo see packaging and English come rotten like egg chai.
he almost said out.
After a thirty minutes ride he arrived at kelvin’s block. He
the driver and he stood in front of the gate knocking, shortly Kelvin opened
the gate.
Jona: you deaf ni
Kelvin: werey, u deh insult me ba
Jona: I deh here the knock since, abi you get visitor
(twisting his face funnily)
Kelvin: visitor keh, thank God say I no the lazy today you for
don tire go back self
Jona: ehen na so ba
Kelvin: coming inside joh (opening the door)
Kelvin’s neighbour’s speakers were blasting loudly to Hookah
by Danagog Ft. Davido.
Jona: Oboy see gbedu, awon shaku shaku (he was already
dancing shaku shaku)
Kelvin: (looking embarrassed): guy you the embarrass me oo,
see as all this girl the look at you, na club be dis.
Jona: guy you no get joy oo leave me make I dance joh
Kelvin: the dance nah
Jona: una the enjoy light here oo
Kelvin: light no deh for your area
Jona: we fit deh for two weeks no light self
Inside the room, Jona perceived some aroma
Jona: guy wetin you fry like this
Kelvin: na stew na
Jona: omo dish some out for your guy na, I deh H
Kelvin: you too like food
Jona: na rice and stew be my favourite self, even my mama
know that
Kelvin: see your mouth ( he dished out some plateful of rice
and stew for his friend)
Jona: (tasting the food exclaimed)you study cooking ni.
Kelvin: which one be cooking study again
Afer Jona finish eating, they played videos game together.
Jona: che you sabi play ball na
Kelvin: me, I sabi na I fit dribble Ronaldo self
Jona: make we go field for 5:00 o’clock na
Kelvin: till that time
Jona: no be till that time, I wan hear you say you go
go or you no go go
Kelvin: which level na, I go go ( not really interested because
he likes being indoors always).
Jona: am going to take my jersey, I go come back then we
will go together
Kelvin: ok oo. Omo make I no go fumble ooh, if they dribble
me na war oo, were I go hide my face. All these thoughts spranged up in his
head.
Jona came back in some hour later.
Jona: you don prepare
Kelvin: yah make we leg na
Jona: na true, with our legediz benz
Kelvin: haha, for your mind
On their way to the field, they saw a beautiful girl.
Kelvin: go yarn am na, your eye wan pearl the girl body
commot.
Jona: you no get mouth, shy kid
Kelvin (annoyed): na me you deh call kid, I go nab you ooo
Jona: see who wan nab someone
Kelvin: ok na you go see soon
Jona: forget al these beautiful girls that you are seeing
Kelvin: praise the lord
Jona: why you are praising the lord now
Kelvin: because you don turn pastor
Jona: pastor keh, I deh talk about the kind English my ear
hear for this morning.
Kelvin: wetin you hear totori me now
Jona: the time weh I deh come your house this morning, na
him I see this beautiful girl oo. As a sharp guy I no take last I approach her,
I told her, hi beauty, you wetin be her response.
Kelvin: wetin be her response
Jona: wetin I want (saying this amidst laughter)
Kelvin laughed very loudly that the girl have to turn to
their direction, Kelvin looked at her and took his eye away. ‘’omo see this one
the look me now’’.
Jona: no mind dem jor.
Kelvin laughing again. but that her English tire me self,
even pidgin English has rule na
Jona: haha, pidgin English has rule Kelvin no kill me with
laugh
Kelvin: I no go kill you they is God (mimicking Patience,
the wife of Jonathan).
As they went further, they saw a poster and they stood to
read the content.
On the poster it was boldly written ‘’VOTE BUHARI, 2019’’
Kelvin: haha, for im mind I think say I fit win again
Jona: e no go win na, after all this things he put our
country people into, who go vote am in again, imagine he even increased the
price of garri, the president matter weak me oo, I swear
Kelvin: you and garri, una be like 5 and 6
Jona laughed
On the field
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